A journey...

We actually won that leg of the legislature journey, apparently next week is the next step. I know all of my readers are waiting with bated breath to see what happens next. I will do my best to post the results as soon as I can.
To continue my birthmother journey I was asked to speak to a group of social workers. A lady that is teaching the seminar asked me to speak, she asked questions and I answered in front of this group. I did this last year and left floating on clouds, this year was a different story. I left wanting to sit in a corner, suck my thumb and cry.
I am not sure what was the reason for this change of emotions but I will guess that it has something to do with Lamont.
Last fall I could tell we had grown closer but something has changed. I don't know why. They say that when you start the reunion process the birth children go thru stages as your child does that you raised except they go thru them faster. Last year I felt like he was more of a young child and wanted to be close to me, this year he has turned into a teenager.
Last year I got my first Mother's day card from him. I was thrilled and of course it will be in a scrapbook soon. This year I expected another one and did not get one. I texted Lamont telling him I was disappointed. He wrote back this response, "I made a conscious decision to only acknowledge my mother. This is an important distinction for me. I am sure this must be hard for you to hear." I felt like I had been punched in the stomach and so didn't really trust myself to say anything so I didn't. The next morning I got another text saying "I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I was probably wrong." Later I said "Yes, that hurt my feelings. Thanks for the apology. I will always be here for you Lamont." It took me a few days but I did talk to him via email and he said a mother is someone he cannot depend on and that he considers me a good friend or an aunt. I know he considers me someone he can depend on. It seems like I am constantly being punished because of his mother. It isn't that important to me that he call me mom or that he sends me a card. Had he not done one before I would never had said anything to him.
This is a journey that sometimes is painful yet rewarding. I guess it is kind of like raising kids.
Thanks for listening whoever is out there....